The Alpha Alpaca
By Dave Woehrle
We talk on the school
bus on the way to Starved Rock. He sits alone in the seat behind me, so I lean my
back parallel to the window to converse.
The sun is
rising and I sip a thermos of coffee. I try at small talk.
“What’s
your favorite food?” I ask.
“Mangos,”
he says. He looks out the window.
“Mangos?”
“Mangos. I
love mangos.”
I nod.
He asks,
“Do you even know what mangos are?”
“Yeah, I
know. They’re a fruit.”
“They’re a
great fruit, the best in the world. Not like grapefruit.”
“What’s
wrong with grapefruit?”
“God, grapefruit
is too tart. And too large. So freakish. But I like grapefruit juice. It’s
probably the most quenching juice known to man. Strange at first taste but a
great aftertaste.”
I laugh. I
say, “Like Ruby Red?”
“Yeah. That’s
good stuff.”
He opens a
bag of Animal Crackers and asks, “Do you know what an alpaca is?”
“Sure.”
“Yeah. I
like them. They’re really anti-social animals.”
“What? I
thought they were herd animals, like they live in a pack?”
“Nope. They
don’t like anything.”
“So they
don’t live together?”
“They do. I
mean, they can. But if you put them together, they prefer to stay in a ten foot
radius of the other alpacas.”
I laugh.
“Really? That’s something. Aren’t they similar to llamas?”
“Yeah, but
alpacas don’t spit much. They purse their lips and look like they’re going to
spit, but they don’t.”
“Wow. You
know a lot about alpacas.”
“Yeah, I do
actually.”
“How do you
know so much?”
“My
grandparents raise them. They have three.”
“What are
their names?”
“Blanco, Crow, and Kevin.
Blanco’s white. Crow and Kevin are black. Crow is the leader, for sure.”
“The
leader? I thought they weren’t social.”
“Well, I
mean…what’s the word for, like, the dominant dude?”
“Alpha?”
“Yeah.
Crow’s the alpha alpaca. For sure. But Crow and Kevin have similar voices.”
“Voices?” I
ask.
“Like the sounds
they make in the morning,” he explains. “It’s high-pitched. Like a bird, kind
of. I mean, when I woke up at Grandpa’s farm last month, I heard that alpaca
sound. And I thought it was Kevin and I told my grandpa at breakfast, and he
said it was Crow. Crow is very vocal. You should really hear the sound of alpacas some time. I wish my voice was like that."
(I am blessed to work with brilliant children)
