Frosted Flakes

Frosted Flakes

By Dave Woehrle

The Kellogg company introduced Frosted Flakes to the market in 1951. The sugar-coated corn product is one of the bestselling cereals of all time. The marketing team was tasked with selling the new cereal and they had to compete with General Mills, the geniuses behind Cheerios, Wheaties, and Chex.

            Kellogg’s last big hit was Rice Krispies, which came out in 1927. These Frosted Flakes had to be the company’s comeback album.

Tony the Tiger is the beloved mascot. Voiced first by Dallas McKennon, and then Thurl Ravenscroft, the catchphrase “They’re grrreatt!” is a nod to fine cereal and American exceptionalism. It’s a Saturday morning cartoon staple. Frankly, it’s difficult to imagine a world without Tony the Tiger and Frosted Flakes.

But all great things, including marketing campaigns, have to start somewhere.

The following is the transcription of Tony the Tiger's creation:

(Sound of cereal chewing, pleased grunts)

“Man, these are great.”

“Yes, they are. Fine flakes.”

“No, I mean, they’re really great. They’re great.”

“Yes. I agree. This is truly tasty cereal.”

“That should be the slogan.”

“What?”

“They’re great.”

“They’re great? That’s it?”

“Yeah.”

“You could say that about anything. Chrysler Cars…they’re great. French fries…they’re also great. Pat Boone’s Christmas Specials…they’re great. There’s just no meaning in it.”

“But Frosted Flakes are great.”

“Be that as it may, it can’t be the slogan.”

“People, we need to think big here. General Mills is wiping the floor with us. (Sighs) Cheerios.”

“Fucking Cheerios.”

“Cheerios aren’t all that good.”

“Cheerios aren’t all that bad, either. I mean, I know it’s our competition and all, but Cheerios are dependable. Eating circles of oats at dawn is pretty goddamn comforting.”

“Cheerios? Give me a fucking break. That’s old hat. And they look like tiny assholes. I don’t want tiny assholes in my milk. It’s a bland and vulgar breakfast product.”

“I hear General Mills is gonna introduce a cereal with marshmallows soon. They have a leprechaun character actor set up and everything.”

“No one’s going to put marshmallows in cereal, okay? That’s just too much of a good thing. That’s like putting LSD in your whiskey.”

“Okay okay. Let’s not lose sight of our goal here. Frost Flakes needs something new to carry it. Now, mascots could be the way to do that. Does anyone have any ideas?”

“What about a cow?”

“What about it?”

“Well, Frosted Flakes are corn-based. And cows eat corn.”

“Some do, yeah, but most cows eat grass.”

“Depends on the cow, I guess.”

“Do farmers decide that? Do they have grass in one bucket and corn in another and just kinda wing it?”

“Cows don’t eat out of buckets. They eat out of troughs, man. Their milk goes in the bucket.”

“Guys! Stop it. Now, what about the cow is appealing other than the fact that it eats corn?”

“It’ll fly. It’ll wear a cape and it’ll drop down boxes of Frosted Flakes onto happy American children.”

“No. That’s too weak. We need to be aggressive here. Remember, people, Cheerios.”

“Fucking Cheerios.”

“How about a wolf? 

“Man, I love this cereal. These flakes, man, they’re great. They’re really fucking great.”

“Hmm, I like the wolf in a patriotic jumpsuit, sans the lamb attack.”

“But wolves don’t eat corn, or any cereal, for that matter.”

“And I don’t eat pussy. But I still like having it around, okay?”

“Seriously? You don’t muff dive? You don’t tickle the bean of the southern beard? You gay?”

“Guys! Focus! Let’s all…let’s all just take five and write some notes. We need vision.

(Sound of silence. Scribbling notes. Some more cereal chewing.)

“They’re great.”

“Yes, you’ve made that clear, buddy. No one’s arguing.”

“I got it. Ready? A tiger. Just a big ass tiger.”

“Yeah. Yeah! Tigers are fucking awesome.”

“But it has to be a hip tiger.”

“Yes!”

“Okay okay…I’m liking it. A friendly tiger.”

“It’ll be bi-pedal.”

“Don’t throw those big SAT words at us, fucker.”

“The tiger will walk on his hind legs, okay?”

“Yeah! That way he can surf and downhill ski and shit. Be all adventurous. Like Superman.”

“And it should definitely be wearing a red banana around his neck.”

“Obviously.”

“Duh.”

“A no-brainer.”

“Name?”

“Magnus!”

“Larry!”

“Andrew!”

“No, no. It has to be alliterative.”

“Stop tossing out your ten-dollar words!”

“A name that starts with a T, genius. Jesus, how do you keep this job?”

“Timothy.”

“Timothy? No. Timothy sounds like a fat choir boy.”

“Tom!”

“Tobias!”

“Tyrone!”

“Not that hip of a tiger.”

“Terrence!”

“No. It has to a name that sounds like a guy who’s really big and kind, but if you crossed him, he’d really mess you up.”

“Tony!”

“Tony.”

“Tony. Definitely.”

(More cereal-chewing)

“Tigers growl.”

“Well done. So what?”

“What if Tony the Tiger said, “They’re great!” but he really laid into the “r” part of the word?”

“Are we really going with “They’re great” as our slogan? It’s just that you could say that – ”

“Shut it! It could just work. So he’ll say, “They’re grrreat!?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know. That just makes Tony sound challenged. Like he’s stuttering in the middle of a word.”

“It’s a growl! It would all depend on the voice actor.”

“Clark Gable?”

“Too classy.”

“Jackie Gleason?”

“Too goofy.”

“My buddy Dallas McKennon could do it.”

“That guy looks like a child molester.”

“He is a child molester.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, but he’s got that voice, a true bad ass bass. And it’s not like they have to see his weird, pervy face.”

“True. Okay, so we’re set. A bi-pedal predatory cat, naked except for a red bandana, saying “They’re Grrreat!” while surfing with children.”

“It seems so obvious now.”

“American as apple pie.”

“That’s what they said about Cheerios.”

“Fucking Cheerios.”

            The first Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes commercial premiered on the Adventures of Superman in the late 1950s. The rest is delicious history.