What Her Boyfriend Calls It

What Her Boyfriend Calls It

By: Dave Woehrle

Back in my college days, after over-eating and suffering butt piss at my buddy’s grill-out, I stopped by the local grocery store to pick up some Imodium (anti-diarrhea pills). I also picked up a 12-pack of Old Style beer, too, since I was heading to a party later that night. Two-birds-one-stone-sort-of-thing.

I approached the register with these two items. Upon seeing my shopping choices – my unhealthy dietary choices – the female cashier said, “So…you like Doggy Style, huh?”

I furrowed my brow and thought about the meaning of her question. Was she assuming I was taking Imodium to make anal sex possible for my gay lover, and that the beer would help me make such promiscuous decisions? I wasn’t sure.

Seeing my confused face, she offered the following, “Well, at least that’s what my boyfriend calls it.”

That's. What. My. Boyfriend. Calls. It.

Huh.

“Ah,” I said, smiling and nodding, as if we had reached an understanding about doggy style. Really, I just wanted to get out of there.

To this day, I usually don’t go more than a week without thinking about what that cashier meant.

But to be fair, in hindsight, anyone who buys nothing but Imodium and Old Style at a grocery store deserves whatever is coming his/her way.